don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
