Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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