The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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