Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
