Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
