I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
