So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
