She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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