Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
