see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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