So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
