Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
