Pants 0. Shit 1.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
