My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
