apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
