Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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