I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
