1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
