so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
