well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
