im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
