He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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