I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
