Cold hands, warm shart.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
