Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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