You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
