And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
