I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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