you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I didn't notice because vodka
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize