I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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