dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
