I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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