smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
