Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
