i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize