Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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