It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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