you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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