The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
