can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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