She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize