I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
