she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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