I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
