Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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