I will die if light touches me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
