suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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