my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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