I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
