That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
try to milk me bitch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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