Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
