We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
