So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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