I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
