The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
