I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
