Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
