lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
