He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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