I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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