y did u give ur computer a hand job?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
