I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize