Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
