she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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