Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize