have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize