I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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