for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
