vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
