dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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