i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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