our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
